Tuesday, April 04, 2006
CULTURES APART , SILENT TEARS
I remember attending a community debate on " Love and Arranged marriages" ( a very first and the last one ) . A very long time has passed since then and many parents and the youth who attended the meet may even see now, what was said then is so very true today . The problems that Gujarati community face are very complex in nature specially when it comes to finding a life partner for their kids. Many of the kids are second and third generation born in British culture and very well adopted to it too .
Educationally, girls have faired better than the boys , both have done well in the employment field and have made them financially better off than the hosts. Long gone are the times when we as parents had control of their lives . Coming back to the question of marriage , even this process have changed a lot where mainly the boys and girls both have had it their way, side lining the parents in many ways ( money is no problem ). The so called independence and freedom has played a greater role in shaping the lives of our kids of the day, which is a worrying factor for many parents. There are so many cases of divorces in very early stages of marriages, engagements being nullified and even weddings being called off right on the last day.
All does not end there, we are still stuck up in a cultural and caste boundries ( although many are coming out ) we still find it difficult to come to terms when a member of the family finds a partner out side of our own . We all have limits to what we could or could not allow our kids to cross the boundries we draw for them and what is wrong in that ?
What is wrong in sticking to one's own culture ?
How many girls of our community ( think of your own respective community ) have not been heard of or disappeared completely( perhaps ended up in pakistan ? ) who had relationship with muslims . ( pakistanis )
How many girls in our community do we know who have ended up with a few kids and left helpless by blacks ?
Is this blind love or cultural onslaught with mal intent ?
I am not saying that relationships will always work with in the same community , but exploitation by other cultures is what we all frown upon, be it blacks,browns or whites.
Girls and boys will have to learn to look at situations in a different perspestive. There is nothing wrong in engaging with different cultures as long as it has no mal intent. We as Indians have carved a good position in every country that we made our home and that is because of our culture. It is the good of a culture that one should adopt, be it from any where.
Selfishness and arrogance is not the answer, if one choses to live in a family unit , there are rules of a family too and one has to abide by them rules. Respect and understanding is all parents ask for, nothing more . I strongly think parents do deserve at least that much .
Educationally, girls have faired better than the boys , both have done well in the employment field and have made them financially better off than the hosts. Long gone are the times when we as parents had control of their lives . Coming back to the question of marriage , even this process have changed a lot where mainly the boys and girls both have had it their way, side lining the parents in many ways ( money is no problem ). The so called independence and freedom has played a greater role in shaping the lives of our kids of the day, which is a worrying factor for many parents. There are so many cases of divorces in very early stages of marriages, engagements being nullified and even weddings being called off right on the last day.
All does not end there, we are still stuck up in a cultural and caste boundries ( although many are coming out ) we still find it difficult to come to terms when a member of the family finds a partner out side of our own . We all have limits to what we could or could not allow our kids to cross the boundries we draw for them and what is wrong in that ?
What is wrong in sticking to one's own culture ?
How many girls of our community ( think of your own respective community ) have not been heard of or disappeared completely( perhaps ended up in pakistan ? ) who had relationship with muslims . ( pakistanis )
How many girls in our community do we know who have ended up with a few kids and left helpless by blacks ?
Is this blind love or cultural onslaught with mal intent ?
I am not saying that relationships will always work with in the same community , but exploitation by other cultures is what we all frown upon, be it blacks,browns or whites.
Girls and boys will have to learn to look at situations in a different perspestive. There is nothing wrong in engaging with different cultures as long as it has no mal intent. We as Indians have carved a good position in every country that we made our home and that is because of our culture. It is the good of a culture that one should adopt, be it from any where.
Selfishness and arrogance is not the answer, if one choses to live in a family unit , there are rules of a family too and one has to abide by them rules. Respect and understanding is all parents ask for, nothing more . I strongly think parents do deserve at least that much .
